"Lonely at the top"

And what did we talk about? In his pre coaching, he had "given" the first topic:

"Dealing with some frustration, better resilience - heavy workload in the last weeks."

"What exactly do you mean by 'certain frustration'?" I ask him.

"The company owner has been difficult to 'manage' in recent weeks. It felt unusual for me to get to a point like this where I was totally stressed. I didn't know that feeling from myself. Much more so than, say, four years ago - I was building a house, getting my MBA, representing three directorships on top of that, and had just become a board member. This time it was different - not even the weekends were available. The issues have piled up. The worst thing now is the internal anger toward the owner."

I challenge him, "Tell me more about it."

"On the one hand, he clearly demanded - contrary to my idea - that I prepare and implement as a presenter a large life presentation for all international customers before Christmas - a time-consuming job. Then, the only feedback I got was a 'niggle' about a graphic. Now I'm unsure: Is his 'not expressing' perhaps hidden criticism?"

"What would be helpful for you to do now? What would be a good step?"

"Ok - as you ask, it becomes clear to me. It's exactly what we worked out last time: Instead of keeping the anger bottled up for weeks, I need to address the situation with him clearly! Clearly communicate my thoughts and interests. I end up feeling unappreciated. That hurts. Instead of staying in the victim role, I also need to communicate my feelings. Got it!"

That was a great coaching success that he already had the solution ready with the first question, which we had worked out last time after an intensive coaching process.

"Perfect. What could be the next step? What can you do differently next time? Before 'the baby falls in the well, how can you respond?"

As he ponders, he says aloud to himself - in a very definite, clear tone, "From my point of view, everything was in favour of not making the presentation until February. My arguments were definitely compelling."

"Did you communicate that the same way to your supervisor? In this tone? With this clarity and inner attitude? In this state?" I want to know from him.

Digression: the state is the sum of all neurological emotional processes that arise in a person at any given time. Or simply put - an emotional state is a mood you are in at every single moment. The emotional state is what moves people. The state we are in is not only about how we feel. It also determines our behaviour and our ability to act successfully or convincingly. Those who have the ability to change their own state can deal powerfully and independently with crisis situations.

"Repeat this statement again," I ask him.

He repeats his statement several times - convincingly - and feels that his state now seems clearer. His voice, posture and mindset are more consistent - different from his original reaction.

His Learning:

Before he goes into a critical conversation the next time, he makes his goal clear and trains his state: His voice, his posture, his mindset, and the content. I recommend that he be challenged by a friend, for example. To do a role play where the friend takes on the role of the boss and challenges him. And then it's: Practice, practice, practice, repeat, repeat, repeat - until the new state becomes an authentic 'habit'!

"The fact that we analyzed the process again in such a clear and solution-oriented way, and especially the prospect that I will perform better next time, takes away my anger and minimizes the frustration that has almost dissipated! Super coaching result!"