"Could you tell me in more detail - how does he go about trying to convince you to be present in the office?

"He tries to convince us with his arguments and generate evidence that, for example, fewer emails are written when working from home. However, when we checked at his request, it turned out that this was not true. For him, the 'office chair factor' still counts - that is, how long someone sits on their office chair."

"So his strategy is to persuade you with arguments?"

"Yes, exactly. It feels like there are countless arguments, but they are all from the old world. They simply do not fit into today's world. A clear 'wall' has now been built between him and us, the board, and there is a lot of tension when the topic of working from home comes up."

"What would you like to happen in the next conversation about working from home? How could you use his preference for arguments to your advantage?"

"Well, firstly, we would like him to listen to us. We want him to listen to our arguments and show openness towards the changing work world."

"What could you do on your end to achieve this goal? What would be a first step?"

Success Factor Structure

My client is contemplating. As a stimulus, I am describing to him the three levels of a conversation:

Clear structure and good preparation are crucial for a successful conversation. Additionally, it is important to repeatedly consider beforehand: which level am I currently on? A conversation has three levels: 

"Once again, my question - with regard to the levels - what would be a first step towards your goal?

"Clearly, on the substantive level. There is a lot of clarification needed. It's about recognizing a changing work world. Work has become more complex in content and is not limited to the office desk. Our employees have a different expectation of work than they did 20 years ago. Corona did not bring about this change, but only accelerated it!"

Working from home – the advantages

"What arguments do you consider relevant and have the potential to convince the owner?

"We clearly observe that many employees concentrate much better and are therefore more productive. Additionally, working from home is a benefit and prerequisite for many employees when choosing an employer. This also enables us to retain qualified staff and motivate them to remain productive for us. In times of the 'war for talent,' this is an important argument!

"Are there any other arguments?"

"Certainly - I would also like to involve my board colleagues in this discussion. Simply listing the arguments instead of relying solely on intuition will already be helpful for me."

Counterexample sorter? You should know about this strategy!

"What can you do on a psychosocial level? What does your boss need in order to listen to you?

"He is a very direct person and loves arguments. I think we should proactively approach him about the possibilities and show that we are actively engaging with the topic and have concrete ideas. The problem is that he likes to do the exact opposite of what is suggested."

"That's what we call a contrast sorter," I explain to my client.

Contrast sorters are people who immediately take the oppositional (complementary) position in questions, conversations or discussions, actively seeking out what is different from the heard content, or what is wrong or could go wrong. Their attention is focused on the opposite. The contrast sorter tends to focus on the unequal and looks for evidence of why something is not right or won't work. In a team, contrast sorters are not always pleasant to work with, but they point out challenges that others may overlook. The contrast sorter associates this with the feeling of freedom. Therefore, in communication, it is important to always offer the contrast sorter choices/alternatives, so that they can exercise their love of freedom.

"What choices could you offer your owner?"

"Isn't it enough of a choice to present him with many arguments? What would you suggest?" my client asks in return.

"For example, you could give him the choice of different working time models. In addition, you could offer him to initially agree on a trial period for a specific model, in which your owner can be convinced of the performance and benefits. And accompany the project with well-documented numbers. For example, document what employees achieve during the day and upload documents and other materials to a cloud or SharePoint, so that the owner has access to the results at any time. Create transparency. Trust arises from this. Ensure that the benefits are visible - even for the owner."

Clear message to the "old school"

I conveyed another message to the client: the new generation entering the leadership ranks of companies has undergone a process of digital socialization and questions the "old school" on a daily basis. This is a fact. Old leaders are still resistant to change. I am convinced that this is partly due to the fact that the vast majority of companies are still managed in a top-down and highly hierarchical manner. Many companies have been very successful with this approach, so far! However, looking towards the future, the question arises as to whether this will be sustainable in the ever-escalating VUCA world: a single person cannot oversee the increasingly complex and uncertain world alone and make the right decisions. Today, companies and entrepreneurs need multiple perspectives to find a sustainable solution. This also involves questioning the status quo and possibly deviating from things that have made a company successful in recent years. The physical office is just one example of this.

Do you also want to find a new perspective? Contact me. I am happy to be your sparring partner!

"How can I get management decisions faster or in the given time frame?" - We start the intensive coaching day with this question and look at his LINC Personality Profiler as a first step. What immediately stands out: is his high inner orientation. Inner-oriented people like to spend time alone without feeling lonely and are more likely to sort out problems with themselves and recharge their batteries by thinking and reflecting. They want to keep their thoughts to themselves - also rarely share ideas with others. "Yes, that is 100% true! I've thought countless thoughts and had solutions ready on how I think management decisions could be made faster - only I haven't shared my thoughts with anyone yet."

You can't change character - but you can change behaviour!

We discuss that his motives and character traits - like his inward orientation - are firmly anchored in him. The LPP initially 'only' shows where he stands. Every character trait is linked to behaviour. You can't change the character - but you can change the behaviour! In addition to a possible change in behaviour, he has three other options to 'react' to his inner orientation - four possibilities: You can't change character - but you can change behaviour!

"Which option would you most like to choose?" I want to know from my client. He thinks for a moment and spontaneously answers: "I need and want to change my behaviour. That is becoming very clear to me right now. My inward orientation leads me to carry ideas around and be frustrated that others don't react. I didn't realise that. The solution could be to 'challenge' my inner orientation and share my numerous ideas with others."

What is important, what is urgent and where do we need the emergency brake?

For this to succeed, the first step is to make his thoughts/reflections visible to himself:

"We have to rethink and sharpen our communication. Management must consistently distinguish between important and urgent. The first step is to get an understanding of what is urgent - what is important."

What exactly might this look like in practice?

"We develop a 'fast-lane' for issues or decisions that combine important & urgent. Analogous to the tram, we are setting up an emergency brake. You can only pull it when there is a real 'emergency'. Pulling the emergency brake without justification also has consequences."

"The emergency brake stops the train and saves lives," my client continues. At the same time, it puts us in the fast lane and ensures that we don't collide. We thus optimise the perception of opportunities and possibilities."

The ideas just bubble out of him. His 'fast lane' project is taking more and more shape:

"Fast lane processes are for issues with the very highest priority, such as expensive projects or when danger is imminent. Every responsible person must know the process and be able to initiate it."

Understand yourself and the blockages turn into energy boosters!

My coachee seems liberated. A massive mountain of ideas had been dormant inside him for a long time. Until now, his high level of inner orientation had prevented him from sharing thoughts with those around him. The LINC Personality Profiler had made this facet of his character visible. The realisation alone that he was inwardly oriented was enough to bring him into action. The crucial question now was how to implement it.

"Very simple. We have an idea management system. I put my idea in there. For that, I still have to work out the need and benefit exactly so that it is a practicable tool we reinstall in the company."

His principle orientation & performance orientation helped him in this. In addition, he was able to identify another WatchOut from the LPP results: His high level of relaxedness, which states that he likes to put things, and situations that are unpleasant on the back burner! So if there are hurdles in the implementation, it is crucial that he keeps this relaxedness in mind and directs his focus on discipline, achievement orientation and principle orientation!

Do you also have a challenge in your everyday life that you would like to solve? Contact me or write to me.

At the moment, many companies are on edge. Exploding energy costs, digitization pressure, cost pressure, rising raw material prices, social responsibility, and sustainability are just a few 'hot spots' - the list of challenges why transformation is necessary for companies is endless. However, many capitulate before they even start - the mountain seems too high. Close your eyes and 'keep it up is then the fatal motto instead: We start anew - now. Even the Himalayas are climbed with the first step!

For most employees, transformation processes are now a red rag. The list of 'change phases' is endless. But it doesn't have to be. Transformation can be fun if you approach it the right way.

Transformation - six steps to success

1. Transformation does not need KPIs but attitude

Transformation is a question of attitude. The board must inhale the vision associated with transformation and trust that it will become a reality through 'prayerful repetition' and daily (pre)life. For change to manifest in the organization, the board must act as a role model and instill in employees the belief that change is possible and worthwhile. Ultimately, organizational transformation is rarely driven by the personal realization that 'I' need to change.

2. Transformation needs unity

The board must agree on the vision and goals of the transformation. Only when everyone pulls together does transformation succeed. Example: Strategic transformations can dilute profit margins in the first year, which means that a CEO needs the support of the CFO before embarking on this path.

3. Transformation must be exemplified

Walk your talk! It is not enough for the board of management to specify the topics of transformation and then expect its team to implement them. Transformation must be lived and felt by the board. Example: start a "forming and being formed" process. Have regular informal conversations about transformation goals with employees. Live the transformation. Keep asking yourself, "How can we bring the next level of leadership with us?" Approach employees and continually ask, "This is the opportunity I see and these are the challenges. How do you / do you see this?". The main point here is to continually adjust your own view/hypotheses through feedback.

4. Transformation needs vulnerability (oh yes!)

The Board of Management may admit that it needs the employees to meet the current challenges. The line of approach may be: "We want to leverage the full potential of the company, draw on it, and work with you to develop how we meet these challenges. We don't want to prescribe the to-do's top down, but develop a bottom-up strategy together with you."

5. Transformation needs a team that feels responsible for the implementation

Acting on your responsibility instead of relying on 'those up there - this is the only way for the bottom-up strategy to work successfully. To do this, you need a strong team with clear responsibilities right from the start. A team that fully supports the goals of the change communicates the support to the employees and, above all, consistently drives the implementation of the measures. This is not always easy - just think of business adaptation and reorganization or meeting cost-saving targets.

6. Transformation only succeeds with 'pause'

Transformation works best when you dare to stop and question yourself. Instead of unwaveringly following plan X, take the next step before implementing the current one. Be brave and ask yourself regularly:

Now you know the 6 steps on how transformation can succeed. But the most important thing is to stick with it. Transformation is not a sprint but an ultra(marathon).

How is your transformation going? Do you need competent support? Then book my Transformational Leadership Program.

I look forward to meeting you.

This happened more than 35 years ago – at the time I just turned 20. For the mathematicians here right now - now you know how old I am …. you also know that I have many decades of experience.

Our life was turned upside down in an instant. The most important lesson I learned was – that there is a small difference between the words Women and Men but a huge difference in their meaning. I don't need to tell you that it was almost impossible for my sister - who is just two years older – and me to continue the company my father had run for decades before. The bank sent us home not caring for our ideas because of our gender. Instead of holding them responsible for our hardships, I remembered what my father always told us:

How to achieve peak performance

If you want to be excellent – you have to first start investing in - and learn to lead yourself.

So I started to invest in myself and in my personal journey: I studied economics and started a career as a TV anchorwoman covering global financial topics – Raphael, I hope you don’t mind me quoting you: “Everybody knew our TV-stockmarket show in Germany at the time” -  I also invested in my personal excellence by working with the best coaches in the world from the very beginning of my career. And by the way, I am still working with one of the world’s best coaches.

Focus on things you can control

At the same time I made three important life-decisions:

The first and most important decision was: I shifted my focus from sth I could not control – namely my gender - to sth I can control – my skills.

Now – think about: What do you have that is outside of your control that you could stop focussing on and what is something you can control that you could shift your focus to?

The key is: not complaining – shifting your energy into something you can control!

Yes, there is a difference by nature between women and men – luckily. But that's it. Being a TV-Anchorwoman for a magazine on global financial topics in the beginning of the 90ies meant that I was working in an almost 100% mens world. The moment I decided to shift my focus from gender to skills – everybody accepted me although I correspond 100% to the female stereotype: tall, blond - still blond ...today with the help of my stylist though, I have to admit.

Focus on what is inside of you!

The second decision I made: I decided to focus on my character and its traits to increase my excellence. As surprising as it may be, I started off with little self-confidence which was reflected in my natural character... I worked hard on my transformation and am very grateful that I developed the excellence I have today.

My preference to spend time alone instead of being outgoing and talking to people has also always been a challenge for me. Even after working on them, these are still my character traits, but across my whole business life I worked consequently on strategies and new habits to transform myself by increasing my self-confidence to more easily interact with others

What do you think are character traits or competencies you should work on to transform yourself and win excellence?

Focus on the DOING!

Thirdly I have decided to develop my understanding of my personal development and business leadership to the cutting edge. Doing that allowed me to see a fuller vision for myself, the teams I work with, and my company. You all know the value of doing exercise, practising an instrument, or learning vocabs for a language…Why would you think a university degree, a resume outlining your experience, or a title such as Dr, Prof or Boss would keep you in a good leadership shape in a continually evolving business world?

An excellent leader is defined by her or his actions. Excellent leadership should be noticed. Leadership wasn't meant to be constrained in a box, hidden in your cubicle, or experienced only in the boardroom. Leadership is a lifestyle – it’s your Executive Presence – the way you walk, breathe, think, and behave when you leave and enter the doors of your business. Transformational Leadership means transforming yourself so that you can transform your company.

On my journey I learned that what defines a good leader isn’t whether they are right or wrong or because they're a man or a woman; they are good because of their willingness to learn and ability to  successfully lead.

What about today? I am here to encourage and challenge you, your business, and your organization to stretch beyond what you think is possible!

I have talked to more than a thousand leaders throughout my life, and I noted the key characteristics of those who are thriving and what they do differently. I also noted how these leaders transform themselves enabling them to grow to their potential.

My most valuable insight

My most valuable insight I want to share with you today:

The world is full theories on how to be the best leader, but the best way to learn how to lead might be right above your nose, quite literally. So, remember what my father said thirty five years ago: If you want to be excellent – start investing in - and lead yourself first.

Even if you have not lost your father or experienced any trauma in your private life or business, I guarantee you that in the future there will be a major challenge or disruption that you or your business will have to face and I invite you to think about how you can shift your focus from the things that are out of your control to those that are in your control.

And what did we talk about? In his pre coaching, he had "given" the first topic:

"Dealing with some frustration, better resilience - heavy workload in the last weeks."

"What exactly do you mean by 'certain frustration'?" I ask him.

"The company owner has been difficult to 'manage' in recent weeks. It felt unusual for me to get to a point like this where I was totally stressed. I didn't know that feeling from myself. Much more so than, say, four years ago - I was building a house, getting my MBA, representing three directorships on top of that, and had just become a board member. This time it was different - not even the weekends were available. The issues have piled up. The worst thing now is the internal anger toward the owner."

I challenge him, "Tell me more about it."

"On the one hand, he clearly demanded - contrary to my idea - that I prepare and implement as a presenter a large life presentation for all international customers before Christmas - a time-consuming job. Then, the only feedback I got was a 'niggle' about a graphic. Now I'm unsure: Is his 'not expressing' perhaps hidden criticism?"

"What would be helpful for you to do now? What would be a good step?"

"Ok - as you ask, it becomes clear to me. It's exactly what we worked out last time: Instead of keeping the anger bottled up for weeks, I need to address the situation with him clearly! Clearly communicate my thoughts and interests. I end up feeling unappreciated. That hurts. Instead of staying in the victim role, I also need to communicate my feelings. Got it!"

That was a great coaching success that he already had the solution ready with the first question, which we had worked out last time after an intensive coaching process.

"Perfect. What could be the next step? What can you do differently next time? Before 'the baby falls in the well, how can you respond?"

As he ponders, he says aloud to himself - in a very definite, clear tone, "From my point of view, everything was in favour of not making the presentation until February. My arguments were definitely compelling."

"Did you communicate that the same way to your supervisor? In this tone? With this clarity and inner attitude? In this state?" I want to know from him.

Digression: the state is the sum of all neurological emotional processes that arise in a person at any given time. Or simply put - an emotional state is a mood you are in at every single moment. The emotional state is what moves people. The state we are in is not only about how we feel. It also determines our behaviour and our ability to act successfully or convincingly. Those who have the ability to change their own state can deal powerfully and independently with crisis situations.

"Repeat this statement again," I ask him.

He repeats his statement several times - convincingly - and feels that his state now seems clearer. His voice, posture and mindset are more consistent - different from his original reaction.

His Learning:

Before he goes into a critical conversation the next time, he makes his goal clear and trains his state: His voice, his posture, his mindset, and the content. I recommend that he be challenged by a friend, for example. To do a role play where the friend takes on the role of the boss and challenges him. And then it's: Practice, practice, practice, repeat, repeat, repeat - until the new state becomes an authentic 'habit'!

"The fact that we analyzed the process again in such a clear and solution-oriented way, and especially the prospect that I will perform better next time, takes away my anger and minimizes the frustration that has almost dissipated! Super coaching result!"

"When the pressure is too much", I summarise and - I admit - make the most extensive beginner's mistake a coach can make! Never interpret something into a statement of your client that the client himself has not said. The first hour of coaching training. His answer surprised me: "No, it's not the pressure. It's my passion that has become a burden! It is like an addiction. I just can't stop. Because of my extraordinary possibilities, I can move so much. Compared to that, my life is much too short. At the same time, working is also a productivity indicator for me. After all, I am measured by my successes," he gushes.

"What exactly do you mean by productivity indicator?" I ask cautiously at the "formal" level to first establish a level of trust and not to get in too deep at the personal level.

You hit the nail on the head.

"I feel like I can only be productive when I'm fully engaged, running multiple projects in parallel, deadlines on multiple communication channels (email, Zoom, teams, etc.) at the same time and running from one meeting or call to the next. At the end of the day, I ask myself where my passion is taking me. And what I have actually achieved."

"And that creates suffering?" I now ask a little more boldly.

"Yes!" Pause. He takes a deep breath, beaming all over his face. "Yes - you've hit the nail on the head. But it's not suffering; it's the passion that gets to me. It sounds kind of weird now, but it hits the nail on the head. And I already realise that I can't go on like this. The upcoming surgery is necessary because I have too much stress."

"What would be one thing you would like to do differently after the surgery?" I choose my questions very carefully. After all, I don't have a "coaching job".

"Do you have any ideas for me?" he asks back.

Playing darts blindfolded

"Well, I could give you a long list now of what might be helpful. It's like playing darts blindfolded then. It's about the question of what you would like to do differently and not about what ideas I have. Nevertheless, I would have one impulse for you: What do you think about giving passion a new name? Enthusiasm, for example, is a formative character trait, and I could well imagine that it plays a major role in your character profile (I'll tell him about the LINC Personality Profiler in this context). People with a high level of enthusiasm are easily enthused and actively share that enthusiasm with others."

Oh yes, that's right, absolutely. I am very quick to get enthusiastic and also pleased to share my enthusiasm with other people. But what does that do for me? Whether I say passion or enthusiasm?"

Feel - what is that?

"First of all, the word 'passion' sends a clear message to your subconscious. It creates suffering - that's how you just told it spontaneously. On the other hand, enthusiasm is neutral to begin with and can support you in starting a positive turnaround. Away from passion towards...? You have to define the 'towards' yourself. You should first feel inside yourself, find the solution and then implement it with enthusiasm."

I saw from his facial expression how my counterpart - let's say Tom R. - almost stumbled at the word "feel" and tried to follow my words. His view of his performance-oriented world had been shaped for decades by logical and rational considerations - "feeling into it" sounded like a foreign word in the concert of daily performance orientation.

In order to really find out how to succeed in discarding harmful patterns, it is necessary, among other things, to discover and become aware of one's own character traits. This is the only way to understand one's own personality, develop new patterns, and then establish them. An in-depth analysis of character traits, motives and competencies is made possible, for example, by the LINC Personality Profiler, which I use in my Excellence Programme. Admittedly, it is easier to list one's 'merits' (keyword: highly decorated) than to focus the spotlight on one's own personality. That can sometimes be uncomfortable.

Pleasure instead of a burden

"What do you think about a change of perspective?

"What would that look like?" Tom R. wants to know.

"Go on an exploration tour of yourself. Ask yourself: Independent of what I have achieved so far. What creates suffering? What gives me strength? And finally: How could the burden become a pleasure again? Which of my character traits support me in this? What really motivates me?"

If you question yourself and your actions, become aware of your character traits, motives and competencies, you will recognise new choices and come to a lot closer to self-determination. Instead of rushing through life 'remote-controlled' -, this creates the possibility of consciously following the goals one has set oneself.

By the way, the conversation with Tom R. was rudely interrupted by one of the many waiting people who wanted to talk to him that evening. The next day I already had a request for a call in my mailbox: "When do you have time, Ms Segschneider? As soon as I get back from the hospital, I would like to talk to you about my enthusiasm." A short time later, he started the one-year "Excellence Programme".

My client, a board member in one of the largest US coaching companies, had precisely this insight for himself as well. The situation: for two months, the company where he is responsible for content has had a new CEO, 20 years younger than Craig and a "process-loving agile doer." "He has my utmost respect. It's actually a dream come true for me. For more than two years, we had a CEO who didn't want to change anything. Now we have a CEO who is open and curious, very growth-oriented and agile. For me, this is a completely new situation. But I have to learn to embrace it. I'm used to dominantly implementing my ideas. I'm a leader par excellence - I like to push ahead. That's no longer possible. My specific question is: How can I use the insights from my LINC Personality Profiler (*a personality tool based on the Big Five) to address the challenges, especially in communication, with my new supervisor and develop as a leader?"

What exactly do you want to develop further?" is the first question I ask.

"I need to change my communication and my approach to communication."

"What exactly?" I want to know further.

"I'm very enthusiastic, exude a lot of energy and like to propose concrete ideas. That doesn't really work for this guy. It took me ten days on our first project to figure out what he wanted."

The LINC Personality Profiler leads him to the following findings:

Enthusiasm

People with a high level of enthusiasm get excited quickly and actively share that enthusiasm with others. In Craig's case, his high level of enthusiasm has so far led him to move very soon into implementation instead of taking the necessary time from the beginning to clearly define project goals and results. Instead of transparent communication, he has so far simply implemented the steps he thinks are right. On the way to the goal, he loses his CEO - so misunderstandings occur again and again.

As a first step toward improvement, he plans to coordinate individual processes verbally and in writing with the CEO from now on. To this end, he wants to create a team folder that will be used for regular exchanges and in which everyone can track each individual step.

In addition, in the future, he wants to focus less on his passion - promoting coaching products - and more on discovering new opportunities in the process.

"How can you succeed in implementing this new approach actively and sustainably in everyday life?" I want to know from him.

"I just have to do it," Craig replies.

"What else?" I ask him. Silence.

"What do you think about taking your enthusiasm and giving it a new direction? Instead of being very passionate about rapid product development and extensive marketing activities as you have been - now embedding your enthusiasm in the direction of agile process orientation?" Craig is excited, "That's exactly the solution! It allows me to be authentic about my new path. I'm fundamentally open and willing to learn. Walking this learning path with enthusiasm is right up my alley!"

Dominance:

"My high dominance is certainly an obstacle! I need to learn to be less directive and communicate less dominantly. Instead of saying, 'I'm going to do this - period,' I should be curious and willing to learn how the process might turn out. I need to learn to engage with the agile process rather than trying to determine the direction." Craig reflects.

Imagination:

Craig's high expression in the imagination facet leads him to already have the big picture in mind while the CEO is still busy with the starting point in the process. Craig's thinking in visions and his great imagination cause him to lose the CEO, especially in agile processes. For him, the vision is already clear while the CEO is still defining it.

"I've lost a lot of time because I've been going by my vision without questioning his. I'm just now realizing that he's developing his vision, not having it in front of him from the beginning. I have to learn to engage in that development process."

Openness:

"What helps me is my openness. I am interested in new developments and love creative solutions. I also love to question old patterns to try out new activities, even if the previous path has proven successful. In short, I love change and am open to it."

Openness is a perfect prerequisite for agile transformation processes, which helps Craig be a driver of change. His reflection on this was exemplary: "As a top leader, I haven't been in the position of 'learner' for many years. This is now a great and exciting opportunity to not be the expert of the process."

Collaboration:

"One of the essential requirements of the agile working world is cooperation," writes Prof. Dr. Puppatz in his article. And further: "Flat hierarchies and teamwork are increasingly replacing the old, entrenched structures. So anyone who wants to be successful here had better be a team player than a lone wolf. This characteristic is reflected in the (character) dimension Cooperation."

Craig's personality profile fits this requirement exactly. His cooperative traits - trust orientation, altruism, humility and empathy - support him in his intention to embark on the agile learning journey. A real booster for him is that the CEO returns the trust he places in him: "He supports me a lot, trusts me, chose me specifically for this position and wants me to succeed. It's a good environment to grow."

Suppose you also want to know in which environment you are offered optimal opportunities to grow or avoid a mismatch. In that case, it is worth looking at your personality traits in terms of the Big Five Model (the predominant model in psychology for describing personality). This way, you can find out which character traits and competencies are a good match for your current challenge and how you can avoid a mismatch or proactively counteract it. Should you need support in this regard, feel free to contact me - together, we will find the optimal opportunities for you to grow!

"My clients often face the challenge of delivering the best possible performance in front of relevant stakeholders or on camera. Many are very confident as long as they are acting in a small circle. As soon as the stage enlarges or there is even a camera appearance, even the most confident personalities would prefer to sink into the ground," reports Dorette Segschneider. For two decades, she has accompanied top leaders and taken away their fear of the camera. "My clients are usually spoiled for success and confident personalities, until that one moment when the camera's red light comes on. As much as they want to leave their fear at the door, the fear of public speaking sticks to them like a limpet. Welcome to one of the fundamental challenges of appearing in front of the camera," continues Dorette Segschneider. Used correctly, this fear can be a powerful motivator, Segschneider is convinced. However, if it remains uncontrolled, it may trigger persistent anxiety - a type of fear that causes performances to fail.

Panic attack in the middle of a live TV show

Dorette Segschneider knows the feeling of fear all too well from her own experience. After 15 years in TV moderation, she had a panic attack - in the middle of a live broadcast. She had been fighting her fear on the surface for too long instead of getting to the root of the problem. "I was working with a coach at the time, and he kept giving me what seemed like the best tips on how to gain more confidence. The kind of tips you can read about in any book. In the end, it made me more and more insecure. The tips didn't work because they started on the surface - my excitement grew and parallel, of course, the self-doubt. Accordingly, the panic attack was almost a gift - now I had to act, and I did. Today I am relaxed and confident in any situation." She has linked her personal journey with, among other things, her know-how as a certified Accelerated Coach (led by former Google head coach David Peterson) and her decades of experience coaching top leaders from around the world. From this, she developed the 5-Star-Method, with which she works very successfully today.

"Most people think: Well, let's remove this 'fear obstacle' now and get to work on a successful and fear-free performance. That's a good idea, except for the part about removing it," Dorette Segschneider cuts in and continues: "Fear is a completely normal, reflexive, and useful reaction. Especially when we are confronted with a difficult or dangerous situation, it makes us very alert and responsive to threats. Only rarely are we exposed to threats in which we need this 'first pattern. That's exactly why our brain looks for a substitute battle arena to train this ability that guarantees our life." So, he said, it is critical to work on reducing and managing these fears.

Passion for the marathon

This is not a sprint! If you want to appear sustainably confident and relaxed in front of the camera or in presentations, you start a marathon - everything else is window dressing. Many people run marathons with great passion. At the same time, they are aware that the basis for success is sustainable and long-term training. No one would expect to make 42 km after three days of running seminars. "It's the same with performance. If you really want to feel confident in the long term, you first need time to explore your own patterns. Secondly, you need the commitment to train regularly," emphasizes Dorette Segschneider. This fact can be compared with sports because no professional uses the same method. Everyone first explores their own personal strategy, based on which specialists develop the individual training. "The same applies to your own appearance. Finally, confident and free of fear in front of the camera - be it for YouTube, in-house videos, Instagram, or classic television. This requires a clear anamnesis and, on this basis, an individualized procedure in five steps," Dorette Segschneider introduces her 5-Star technique.

Dorette Segschneider teaches her 5 Star Method in an intensive coaching process that she developed especially for top leaders. If you, too, are thinking about finding out the role of your personality and re-evaluating fears, contact Dorette Segschneider directly - so that you too can appear more relaxed and confident in the future.

The owner of a company with 5000 employees hired me because he was struggling with poor numbers and great employee dissatisfaction. He was also dissatisfied and entirely overwhelmed by the daily complexity he was confronted with in his entrepreneurial activities. The result: too much micromanagement - too little delegation - lack of focus on the essentials.

The cell phone is my biggest time waster.

As a first step, we went in search of his time wasters. "The cell phone is my biggest time-waster of all," he quickly stated self-critically. "I like reading extremely much - even on my cell phone. But the danger of reading on a cell phone is that you're consuming knowledge that isn't necessary. The cell phone is an absolute danger to my effectiveness as a reading source." In response to my question, "What other time-wasters can you identify?" he quickly came up with other 'classics' that can easily be grouped under the heading of 'delegation'. When preparing for necessary lobbying appointments, he took on everything from writing individual emails to confirm charges to reading newspaper articles that might be relevant to the issue to making coordination phone calls for the organization, all in advance himself. "What else?" I ask. "It's hard for me to set the right priorities. Time and again, I get distracted or allow employees to approach me with less relevant issues. Then I take time, for example, to do research that I'm sure others could do as well."

No-matter-what appointment

In coaching, he learned to delegate and prioritize. This enabled him to increase his effectiveness and create free time slots significantly. He hired new people into positions he needed to move his business forward - including an executive assistant, an HR manager, and an innovation manager. Within three months, he introduced a weekly 'think tank meeting' as a 'no-matter-what appointment' and invested time developing a corporate vision and much-needed strategies to secure the future.

New York Marathon

In the next step, he asked me to start a transformation process for the entire company. After one year of collaboration, the result was impressive: In addition to an apparent increase in employee satisfaction and a turnaround, the entrepreneur also created new freedom for himself in his private life and began regular running training again after many years. His goal was clear: the following New York marathon.

Just do it!

Those who exercise regularly strengthen their fitness—those who play the daily piano practice their pianistic skills. She periodically trains the personal satisfaction muscle, lets go of fears and develops his happiness consciousness.  Who recognizes and promotes his own strengths, lives his potential. In this way, everyone can ultimately contribute to their personal happiness themselves and significantly. Good news for the top manager in you: strategic and rational thinking skills support you in strengthening your personal sense of joy.  Let me describe an example from my coaching practice:  A board member was confronted daily with his dissatisfaction, which he "acted out" on his employees - as he admitted to himself.  He was ready to work on himself. The atmosphere in the company was charged. His goal was to bring about an improvement in the situation. To my question, "What would be a good outcome?" he responded with conviction, "I'm sure I'll never get rid of this dissatisfaction inside me - this grump who also blows up, that's just me." Otherwise, he said, he doesn't feel authentic.

Authenticity is allowed to grow.

"Authenticity is allowed to grow," I explain to him. Our personality is not made of concrete. On the contrary, we are constantly developing. Our abilities, our behaviour, etc. - our life is a constant development process. Indeed, an introvert and cooperative nerd rarely turns into a competition-loving rambunctious person. The further development of one's own personality, on the other hand, is a natural process. In a study, Margaret King and Jamie O'Boyle (Center for Cultural Studies & Analysis) proved that people reinvent themselves between the ages of 35 and 40 and then again between 55 and 60 - only this makes them authentic. The completed, final personality is, therefore, an illusion. Authenticity is allowed to grow! We can also be authentic if we change ourselves and our behaviour outwardly. The decisive factor is that we are ourselves in the word's original sense - from the Greek authentikós, "autos" means self and "ontos" means to be.

Grumpy adé

The idea of questioning or even letting go of his "grumpy personality" and, as a first step, focusing on his personal satisfaction did not initially convince my client. He was sure he would never get rid of this dissatisfaction, the 'restlessness', as he called it - feelings of satisfaction had become alien to him.

His explanation: his constant thirst for knowledge, his tireless rational approach to problems meant that his thoughts were constantly 'going round on a merry-go-round' and thus never stood still.  He questioned himself and his work around the clock.  He no longer knew satisfaction.  In coaching, we investigated the cause: one of his main needs was to achieve significance. He satisfied his quest for significance - in addition to the successes he had to show in the company in purely numerical terms (which had already become the norm for him) - with a constant carousel of thoughts that questioned him and his environment. He always wanted to know more, about himself, about processes, about content, in short: about everything that surrounded him. "Being this 'omniscient' makes me happy," he noted. Except that this moment of happiness virtually never happened. When it became clear to him that this striving for meaning was a major cause of his dissatisfaction, he took the second step - toward contentment - almost by itself, and realized that he himself had the "power" over his thoughts and that it was now a matter of discipline to grasp the "right thoughts." He used his energy to "know it all" and to question, and settled into the new path: he trained to stop his stressful thought process and practised a new "rule of thumb" for his brain every day: "I value my brain - I let go of the thought carousel."  He thus honoured his active thinking and, at the same time, put himself in a position to build contentment through the 'letting go' process. A positive side effect: He became more serene. He then radiated both - contentment and serenity - to the company and was able to record additional successes.

The observer mindset specifically addresses individual thought patterns and aims to change perspective in terms of content. It leads to sustainable learning to make unconscious thought processes conscious to better recognize and use choices even in difficult situations. In the course of our lives, we all develop thought patterns that are activated in certain conditions. Behind them are our very personal views, beliefs, (pre-)judgments, opinions, associations to certain people and events in our lives. These repeat themselves in our lives and grow together to form a network in which they are active—triggering situations of automated thought processes. Their adverse effects on our behaviour and emotions are known to each of us from everyday life. Accordingly, it is counterproductive to counter fear of failure and the striving for perfectionism by proceeding in a detail-oriented manner in complex decision-making processes and thereby improving as many parameters as possible. Instead, one should automate a sovereign and self-confident attitude to make decisions with an overview.

It is equally unhelpful to constantly think about possible failure during a speech instead of mentally planning for success. Or, in a 'critical' situation involving compliance issues, for example, to be guided by beliefs such as "No one will notice" or "Everyone does it, don't they?" instead of reflecting in good time on the course of action and possible consequences.

Our thought patterns are often learned over decades, and the resulting behaviours run automatically. Thoughts are perceived as uncontrollable if they cannot be turned off on command. The consequence: one follows the automatisms. An example from my compliance coaching sessions: thought patterns that shape non-compliant decisions ("Everyone does that," "No one will notice"). They are often used as an 'excuse' - the interpretation 'socially accepted' quickly becomes a fig leaf.

Spot on

To change thought patterns, suitable techniques and sustainable training are required and the will to change. One important step is awareness. The better we recognize our thought patterns, the easier it is to break away from them. The chaos and contradictions that arise in delicate situations can be sorted if we sort ourselves out. The most effective approach is to make the automated, intuitive processes conscious - to do this, we must learn to observe and classify them. Through conscious observation, we put the thought patterns, figuratively speaking, in the spotlight. Thus, they can no longer hide in the subconscious and cause damage unnoticed. The moment we observe them regularly, the camouflage is blown, bringing the processes to light. When we automate this process, we sharpen our thought patterns and learn to make decisions more consciously. We shift from being victims ("I had to grease him because of the circumstances ...") to be co-creators. The good news is that this is possible at any time and for anyone. It is a challenge, no doubt.

Your individual training program

To change or improve the current situation, it's a matter of trying something new. Have you ever asked yourself, "Can 'this' be done differently?" Or, "Is there another perspective?" Yes, 'one' can! In my executive coaching sessions, I work with my clients to develop techniques for integrating the observer mindset into everyday life individually. For everyone, this path is different. It's like in sports or music. The training and exercise methods are other. But they all have one thing in common: Only those who train regularly become masters.

Executive coaching, for example, is about recognizing choices - even in difficult situations. The feeling of 'control' automatically increases our satisfaction because we suddenly have things in our own hands. When we train the observer in us, it adds a new dimension to life. Because suddenly we are not living in a movie for which others write the script, but we are spectators and observe what happens. From the (newly) gained meta-position, we succeed much more efficiently and effectively in intervening in our actions, controlled by patterns. By becoming aware of our thought patterns, we take the first decisive step towards actively interfering in our decision-making process.

Who is about to blow up?

In the course of their professional lives, managers have learned to behave logically and rationally in their daily professional decisions within the organization. This is precisely why it is essential to use these exercises to become aware of how strongly the irrational human momentum takes over the helm for each of us, even in professional decisions.

We thus have the chance to recognize that our control centre has a kind of action software that we have shaped or written in the course of our lives. It is also this action software that we call up unconsciously in decision questions. Our perceptual filters encode it. These, in turn, have their basis in our values and beliefs. Because the final decision - 'do I blow up or not, do I act compliantly or non-compliantly - is a human decision, at least for now. If you simply write down your patterns - I develop exercises for this with my clients in Executive Coaching - you can easily read out the data of your action software afterwards. Or, to put it another way: You can recognize what makes you "tick" based on your notes.

The key

The key lies in recognizing, reflecting and actively influencing the 'cherished' automatisms. Through the daily training of observation, it is possible to pause at any time, even in difficult situations, as a matter of course, to maintain one's posture and then act according to one's own chosen directives. And with each time this process is carried out, it develops more and more into a routine. Promise!

"Again and again, I am asked how I generate added value in the coaching process - whether I have a particular 'method'," says Dorette Segschneider. "I don't have that one method. It's the variety of models and approaches - combined with my decades of coaching and interviewing experience that make up my success. I create tangible results - very effectively - it's all about strategy, and the focus is then on implementation in an intensive action-reflection process," Dorette Segschneider continues.

Based on her experience as an executive coach, Dorettes Segschneider has identified four valuable keys that make up the success of her coaching processes.

Efficiency

Trust is the basis for an effective coaching process, which is why she attaches great importance to building deep trust and a close connection with her coachees right from the start. To this end, Dorette Segschneider usually addresses the most critical and thus most valuable topics at the beginning. The goal is that the coachee receives the greatest possible added value for the time invested.

Impact

The next step is to identify the most important and, thus, personally significant client issues. To look where the real work needs to be done and at the same time to achieve a strong insight and motivation for change in the client.

Lasting change

A strong coaching conclusion is closely linked to sustainability. The claim of sustainability can only be achieved in a coaching process if it is possible to get the client regularly into action even after the coaching has ended - to get him excited about the continuous implementation of necessary 'action plans'. A key to this is to build resilience in the face of resistance - be it against one's own 'saboteurs' or against resistance from outside - i.e., generating so-called 'no-matter-what appointments. The goal is for the client to sustainably follow through with their action plan despite these obstacles.

Systemic

The focus of her work with board members is to concentrate on increasing their own effectiveness and that of the organization. This requires a holistic view of the ecosystem of all stakeholders. Stakeholder management is, therefore, a key success factor in the coaching process.

What other option do you have? The coachee looks at me helplessly. Silence. After two minutes and more inquiries on my part, he asks me to make a suggestion: "What do you think of sovereignty as a solution?" He likes the idea of appearing sovereign. "You brought up the word sovereignty - just how do I appear sovereign?" This is the second time we've worked together - giving me a chance to draw on techniques we've already discussed. So I ask, "What techniques that pay into your sovereignty have you already tried?"

I-messages as key

In the discussion environment, the "I" messages help me. For example, I would have said in the past: You should make a plan ... Today, I say: This is my plan, this is how I do it ... That definitely feels more confident. I also try to recognize the space between stimulus and reaction. I ask myself what my conversation partner wants to hear - I try to listen actively and then make a clear decision and respond consciously. I'm trying to do that more and more often; I'm increasingly catching myself actively doing that, setting my mind to it."

Active listening - but how?

Active listening reflects the factual and emotional level to the conversation partner. This form of conversational leadership builds mutual trust and thus improves communication, not only in challenging and inspirational topics. Especially in job interviews, active listening scores with sovereignty because it shows respect for the person you are talking to and, at the same time, builds trust. Active listening also forces us to stay awake during the conversation. Wide awake. During the conversation, you are in reception mode - 100 per cent. The other person also senses this. The results of the exchange are more sustainable because they are more binding.

During the coaching, the coachee develops a 3-step plan:

1. non-verbal "active listening"!

When listening actively, adopt an open body posture (e.g., no folded arms) and listen intensively to the other person by consciously making eye contact. Remain natural.

2 Active listening

In contrast to "passive" listening, active listening involves sending verbal and non-verbal signals to the other person - that you understand what they are saying.

- Nodding the head

- Short confirming comments: "mhm ...", "yes", "understood" etc.

Concentrating on the other person during the conversation. Do NOT stray mentally; instead of, for example, already preparing in thought for the next answer, listen to the counterpart.

Ask the following questions in your mind:

Write the three questions on a post-it and pin them to the computer. This way, the questions are always in view during the interview. Or - if the discussion takes place in presence - internalize the questions until they are a self-evident "thinking ritual".

3. mirror to the other person: I have understood and feel good!

Share the content, feelings, and needs with the other person (e.g. via the 4-quadrant model).

Do you have a plan?

"What would be another thing you could do better?"

"Well, so far, it's been more of a haphazard approach. I could do a better job of planning the conversations."

"How exactly could you prepare? What could the planning look like?"

Silence again. Valuable space in the coaching process.

"What would be the first step?"

Silence.

"Communication - including active listening - takes place verbally and non-verbally," I continue.

"Oh, you mean my body posture?"

What else?

"Facial expressions and gestures."

"Very good. Let's play out the conversation once." We distribute the roles - I am the CEO with whom he will have the conversation: "Mr. Müller, what do you need from us to also bring the necessary differentiation factor that we expect from you?"

Even before my coachee says the first sentence, I interrupt him. His facial expression was strained and negative, and he started with a deep sigh, sending out several non-verbal negative signals in the very first second. In the course of coaching, I developed a mini-training with him that helps him start with relaxed facial expressions and gestures that come across as confident.

"What else is important for a confident appearance?" I continue to ask afterwards.

Silence again.

Away with the softeners

The coachee begins, "I could try ...!" "STOP!" - I say." "Right now, you are losing sovereignty. If you use so-called softeners, these are filler words like: could have, should have, would be, actually, try, but, etc. These words weaken your statements and come across as insecure. A confident sentence does NOT contain softeners. Watch your language from now on. Notice when and how often you use softeners. In the next step, begin to omit the softeners consciously. Practice the 'new language' daily. So that you formulate 'softener free as a matter of course in the job interview."

At the end of the day, the prospective COO has identified four topics that he can start working on immediately and that will help him become more confident. His core insight? "Preparation - preparation - preparation!"

Wow-what a cool way to start an intensive day. We had eight hours. So I was sure there would be plenty of time for my and his continuing questions. After the intensive day, I decided to take my blog article readers along for the ride over the next few months. So here is the first stage - listening - my client listened to me.

Taking away from people, something familiar is hard. People love consistency; we are keepers at our core. This is what makes a change, transformation, so difficult in many cases. But people are also "herd animals" - they look at what others are doing, i.e. what does the board of directors exemplify - how do the managers behave, etc.? Here are six golden rules for success, and there are many more!

The coffee vending machine diaster

Money only works where it is a means to an end - it is not the only thing! This is illustrated by an example that "happened" to one of my customers before we developed the transformation process together: The biggest failure in the effort "to do something good for the employees" was the purchase of new, very high-quality coffee vending machines. After a complaint that nothing was being done for the employees - there weren't even any coffee machines - expensive equipment was installed, and five corridors were painted white. The management board was laughed at for this. The board, in turn, did not understand the world at first: "You wanted coffee vending machines, didn't you? But the call for coffee vending machines was only a pars pro toto.

Transformation is an attitude.

Transformation is an attitude that must be exemplified by the Board of Management and supported by the entire team. You have to want it all. If I really want transformation, then I look for and find exactly the opportunities to get it. That means really listening to the employees! Taking their fears seriously and communicating authentically that you understand. Developing transformation in the executive suite and then ordering the rest of the team to implement it - that's bound to fail. The crucial thing is to get as many employees as possible to help shape the future - then momentum will develop, and success will set in on its own.

"Let's look at the calendar - when can we start the Pain Point workshop for the entire board," was the spontaneous reaction of Johannes M. The journey could start. I am excited and will keep you posted - I promise!

In my book "Balancing Act Compliance," I took a close look at the causes of non-compliant behaviour. Dan Ariely is one of the world's leading scientists in this field, having conducted numerous studies on the subject of "fraud and dishonesty." His central question was, "Where does deceptive behaviour have its roots?" He had discovered his interest in the subject a few months after the collapse of the Enron energy company in 2001. The fundamental cause of Enron's downfall was that everyone from the board of directors to consultants, including the now-bankrupt accounting firm Arthur Andersen, had systematically turned a blind eye to fraudulent schemes. In a conversation with a consultant, Dan Ariely learned that the consultant was certain that he had not noticed any of the fraud. When the matter was then uncovered, the consultant could hardly believe that he had systematically blanked out the obvious developments for a long time.

However, anyone who believes that this example of the systematic suppression of criminal activities in the Enron case is already the tip of the iceberg is mistaken. Because it is not uncommon for us to take completely irrational shortcuts when our will is exhausted due to a high density of decisions - as the following example impressively demonstrates:

Northeastern USA. About 10:00 p.m. The governor is surfing the Internet after a hard day's work. He lands on the page of an international escort service for the highest demands by chance or not. The club promises, "It is our goal to make your life more peaceful, balanced, beautiful and meaningful." To fulfil the wishes, the club presents photos of pretty young women who are available to him at any time for joint leisure activities in exchange for an agency fee. The governor has a choice: leave the website and office and go home, or take up one of the offers.

What do you think his decision was?

No, we're not talking about some random or even fictional politician here: we're talking about Eliot Spitzer, the former governor of New York. When he ran for office in 2006, the intelligent lawyer had already made it to the position of the attorney general and ultimately won the election for governor with the highest percentage in the state's history. A hopeful, then, whom his voters and supporters also trusted with the presidency - he would have become the first Jewish president of the United States.

The paradox of what happened next: Eliot Spitzer himself always appeared as a declared opponent of Internet prostitution; he broke up pimping rings and called those responsible to account, which earned him sympathy points, especially from women's and human rights activists. And then this: During a stay in Washington, he orders a young woman to his hotel room as "Client 9.

His supporters were not the only ones to ask: Why would a politician who is celebrated as a clean-cut man - and who is also a husband and father - make such a self-destructive decision?

"Moral licensing" is the keyword.

In his case, too, the reason is to be found in the neurophysiologically induced decision fatigue. It can affect anyone, from politicians to managers, from ordinary executives to board members, regardless of gender, social status or professional responsibility. After all, behind every compliance offence, there is also a conscious decision that has a psychological background, among other things.

"Moral licensing" is the keyword here. Behind this is the psychological phenomenon that every person has a kind of "moral account". It is mentally paid into when good deeds are performed and withdrawn when bad ones are. In this way, according to an inner balance, one can buy oneself free of feelings of guilt since the deeds balance each other out. Only when the account is no longer balanced or falls below zero, one gets feelings of guilt.

The subconscious manages moral licensing. Top managers who lost their grip at some point and then caused compliance scandals were often subject to this phenomenon. As a result, they often do not really show any sense of guilt because, in their innermost being, they do not feel any wrongdoing at all. Eliot Spitzer probably had a similar experience. In his capacity as governor, he took such intensive action against prostitution that he was convinced that he could quietly take a few liberties as a private citizen. If one takes the moral-licensing approach, one could say that the prosecutor ended up in the arms of a prostitute, not despite, but precisely because he himself had contributed so vehemently to curbing such immoral behaviour. His morality account was, in his perception, topped up.

Even if, as in the case of Spitzer, the paradox behind this can be clearly seen, and such behaviour is judged to be out of character, it is a fact that moral licensing is an unconscious process that is actually accompanied in some cases by a certain loss of reality. Today's career paths favour such a loss of reality. Many top managers still go through a selection process that reinforces their belief that they are the greatest. 60-hour weeks and more than lead to a situation where the moral account is - felt - full to the brim. After all, one "sacrifices one's life" for the company and the (personal) success.

In the case of my current client, this insight led him to revise the existing compliance training in his company with a focus on people and their psyche. Up to now, the training was - as in most companies - purely formal. The psychological background did not take place. However, the focus of compliance violations is always on people and not on form. And this is despite the fact that the fascinating psychological phenomena are, on somewhat more intensive reflection, all too well known to most entrepreneurs and managers from their everyday professional practice.

The text is largely taken from the book "Balanceakt Compliance", Dorette Segschneider and Dr. Kathrin Niewiarra, FAZbuch, 2016.

When you bake a cake, just follow the baking instructions - step by step. If you strictly follow the given recipe, a pleasing result is almost guaranteed. Building an aeroplane is a different matter - the requirements are highly complex. So is the world in which we live. "It's no longer enough to unpack the old familiar baking recipe and hope for guaranteed success," says Dorette Segschneider. "Executives come to coaching again and again with the desire to get just such a baking recipe. They are looking for certainty, but we don't have that anymore. Emergencies teach us the ability to find solutions in difficult situations. It is precisely this ability that executives need to make decisions in confusing situations and to lead in a complex world," Dorette Segschneider continues.

"'What is the decisive tip, how should I react when the situation is complicated, complex and unclear?'" many managers ask me," says Dorette Segschneider. For those who want to learn how to manage complex situations successfully, she has developed a 6-step plan:

"If you go into the decision-making process with a positive attitude, it builds trust," Segschneider is convinced. "The more complex the situation, the more important it is to follow a transparent and simple process."   

In the 360 degrees feedback, she also got mirrored by colleagues/supervisors: You have the knowledge, but the way it comes across is not self-confident. In your position, you have to show sovereignty - even make clear announcements. I ask her, "How does the feedback come across to you, and how do you deal with it?" She tells me how much the negative feedback bothers her but that she is convinced that her actions count more than words or her appearance. After all, her work would speak for itself. 

Self-confidence is not an action.

Many people - often women, by the way - get the feedback "be more self-confident" or "act bossier". The problem: For Carola M., this well-intentioned "advice" was not so easy to implement. Self-confidence is not an action - it is a feeling that comes from actions and behaviours. So the real question is, "What can Carola M. do to feel more confident and radiate that?" In order to be able to develop individual measures that strengthen her self-confidence, I ask her, "Describe a situation in which you felt self-confident - what exactly did that look like?" Carola M. talks about meetings with colleagues who are not in front of her in which she felt confident. "When you think about a meeting like that, what adjective describes the impression you left with the participants in that meeting?" She says that in what she calls "feel-good meetings," she feels like she is in control of the content. "Is my perception correct that you have less control in the other meetings?" Carola M. agrees wholeheartedly.

The first result

So the first step is less about "How can I communicate more confidently?" and much more about "How do I react in situations that are out of my control?" In coaching, we first found out how Carola M. could learn to act confidently even when she had no control over the situation. "In meetings with colleagues at the same level or the people from my team, I feel safe. But there, I also feel very clearly that I have authority over the topics and am recognized as an expert. That's very clearly related to the content."

"And how do you feel in meetings with your superiors?" I ask Carola M. She explains in detail that she is then very nervous, her voice breaks away, and she suffers greatly.

"What impression do you want to leave instead? Describe in detail an ideal confident person in your perception." However, her answer - the person needs to be confident and calm - doesn't get her anywhere. We all want to be that in every situation. But who is?

Coaching is now about filtering out and naming the feeling about it and Carola M's actions and behaviours that lead to that feeling. Emotions don't just come out of nowhere - they don't sit on a tree and jump out at you. Instead, they are the result of our actions and behaviours. We give them meaning, and it is from this that the feeling arises. "What feeling do you want to convey to others, and what actions do you associate with it?" I ask Carola M. and want her to find out in this way what actions and behaviours are associated with problematic meetings for her. She recognizes that these are closely related to her attitude, her mindset.

Like in top-class sports

This is similar to top athletes. There is the mental conditioning, i.e. the attitude with which they go into every competition, every training session, every practice. There is subject-specific conditioning, i.e., the techniques that the athlete must master in order to be successful in their sport of choice. And then there is the physical conditioning, i.e., the physical energy. Only when you are well-positioned in all three areas can you achieve peak performance. "What can you do that will enable you to be at your best in the tough meets? Your sport is meetings with higher-ranking colleagues. What mindset do you go into these meetings with? What do you think about yourself and what do you think about the people attending the meeting? What do you think about the people in the situation and the context? Do these thoughts help you achieve your goal - to appear credible, calm and confident - or do these thoughts work against you?"

Key factor mindset

In the course of the coaching, Carola M. finds out that she goes into meetings with a miserable mindset because, among other things, she is poorly prepared. In addition, she sometimes has a poor opinion of her superiors and gets angry with them. In addition, her mind is often somewhere else, and she panics that she has to say something. Even the night before, she imagines how her voice will tremble, and she will panic. I asked her: "Imagine you are a participant in this meeting in which Carola M. is sitting at the table with the mindset you described. What effect does that have on you?" Carola M. says nothing for almost three minutes. She becomes aware of how negative and insecure the energy is that she radiates.

"What attitude, what mindset would help you lead the meeting with a sense of confidence, calm, and credibility? What preparation would be most helpful?" Preparation is mental conditioning that is very closely related to control. Through intensive preparation, she can achieve the very control she has been lacking. We developed a set of questions to help her prepare:

A big part of being confident is being optimally prepared. So it can condition a much more confident mindset. That's the first step toward becoming more confident - before she walks into the room for the meeting. In the second step, we worked on conditioning her communication skills and then the third step was about physical conditioning. The physical energy she exudes, for example, via the shaky voice in meetings.

As in Carola M's case, you should start by challenging the mindset that led to the insecurity and then make sure that the way you communicate and the physical energy you radiate is consistent with that effect.

"I would do anything to make sure the results are good next time. What do you recommend?"

"What could be the first step?" I want to know from my client.

"A training session that reiterates to employees all that we do for them as a company," was his prompt response. I then asked him to repeat the energetic "talk" he had given just before, and we recorded it on his smartphone. We then set up several chairs symbolizing his employees, and he took a seat on one of the chairs. "Which employee do you think is particularly dissatisfied," I asked Ralf S. "Nicole M., a highly intelligent marketing specialist, constantly on her cell phone or at yoga class, which we also offer, by the way, and supposedly with burnout tendencies that I can't comprehend at all. When I say to her, please complete the process NOW. Then she looks at me almost uncomprehendingly and seems to consider when it fits into her rhythm. When I then say: I meant now. Then she does it, but reluctantly. Colleagues of hers now tell me that she can't cope with the pressure I put on her. Oh my goodness, they have everything - I just motivate people in my own way. Where's the pressure in doing something quickly or right now?"

"Phew - that's intense!"

He writes the name of the employee on one of the chairs, and I ask him to take a few minutes and empathize with Nicole M. . At first, he looks at me uncomprehendingly - but then gets involved in the process within the scope of his empathic possibilities. Then I press "play" on his smartphone and play his "energetic" message while he listens in the role of Nicole M..

The result stuns him. "Phew - that's intense. I would never have thought that. My voice sounds demanding - all my energy, which I mean motivationally, hits Nicole M. hard - it actually puts pressure on her. I would never have thought that."

Ralf S. has discovered a so-called blind spot in himself. Blind spots are personality traits that escape one's own perception but are very well known in one's environment. As in the case of Ralf S.: Nicole M. knew the difficult sides of Ralf S. and had formulated them very clearly in the employee survey. Ralf S., on the other hand, was not at all aware that he was exerting great pressure, while he, in turn, was able to name the difficult sides of his employee very well.

The explosive power of the blind spot

The employee survey and the subsequent exercise in coaching brought to light what is typical of the blind spot: a relatively large discrepancy between the employee's own and others' perception of problematic behaviour. Ralf S. was sure that he was a great motivator - Nicole M., on the other hand, felt constantly pressured by him. In the long run, a blind spot usually has a certain explosive power, especially when it comes to employee management. The "bomb" then often explodes due to the gap between the self-assessment of the manager and the assessment of the relevant environment.

The LINC Personality Profiler external image, which we focused on during the following intensive day, then enabled him to systematically compare self-image and external image combined with a 360° feedback process with his managers. Using clear graphics, we were able to show at glance deviations as well as similarities between his self-image and the external image of his closest employees. In the subsequent coaching process, we uncovered further blind spots based on the external assessment, and he identified opportunities for his personal development, which we were able to successfully address in the further coaching process.

The LINC Personality Profiler (LPP) competencies provide answers - based on the client's self-assessment - to the questions: What am I particularly good at? What is easy for me, and what is difficult? On the one hand, they are thus a valuable indicator of the client's learning and development potential. On the other hand, they show the areas in which the client already feels competent and confident.

"As much as I hate planning - it's clear to me that I need it for my job. Let's take a closer look at that today, please," Martina M. continues.

Tell me...

As a coaching method, I decided to use the "Episodic Behavioral Analysis". It sounds complicated at first and is very practical in its implementation.

The "Episodic Behavioral Analysis", which the LINC Institute recommends as an application method in connection with the LPP, is about analyzing individual episodes from the client's life and working out where the personality - consisting of character traits, motives and competencies, among other things - has its effect. The first step is to initiate development and to show the client how strongly the personality influences all areas of life. Everything that happens in everyday life - successes, problems, etc. - are influenced by personality. This is best recognized by looking at various episodes from the life and then analyzing them in detail.

Five steps to the goal

Step 1: Definition of the topic the client wants to change

First, I ask the client, "What specifically would you like to change about yourself? Give an example from your everyday life that is currently particularly bothering you." Martina M. spontaneously answered, "How can I schedule 'Stop & Think' appointments better and, above all, sustainably in my calendar? I always write them in - but don't really take the appointment seriously."

Step 2: Concrete episode that describes the problem.

 "Describe an episode from your life that relates to the issue you would like to change. This can be a success or failure story. The description must include details: Who was involved? How did it all go down? How did it unfold? What was the impact? Fill the story with life!" "For a long time now, I've been planning to keep the spaces I create in my calendar for thoughtful downtime. The times when I also allow myself to 'moonshot thinking' - implement 'out of the box' thinking - read articles I've been saving from newspapers for years. I firmly believe that this process is essential to the Future of my business. But I simply don't succeed. Time and again, day-to-day business gets in the way, or I'm urgently needed at home (note: Martina M. has three children aged between 2 and 7)."

Step 3: Look into the personality analysis (LPP).

Which competencies play a role in this context? Which competencies does Martina M. lack to act better or achieve her goal of meeting Moonshot-Thinking deadlines sustainably? What patterns lie behind this? During the coaching session, we first go through several comparable appointments, which she also repeatedly discards. In addition to the "think appointments", Martina M. notices that personal sports appointments also frequently "fall victim" to her daily work routine. But she also repeatedly reschedules jour fixes with her managers because the planning times are not correct. She recognizes three patterns: 1. the times with which she plans appointments are usually much too short. 2. appointments with supposedly "soft content", such as think-tank or sports, she does not stick to her planning, or they are unrealistically planned in terms of the time window. 3. she often cancels appointments that are a "personal luxury" for her. The poor planning is also reflected in her LPP: In addition to her "moderate" planning competence, she weakly developed self-care competence. This means that the same appointments that are good for her and bring her joy are in danger of falling behind. The good news is that skills can be developed.

Step 4: Target behaviour

I ask Martina M.: "How would you like to behave in a similar situation in the Future? What behaviour would you like to exhibit in the Future that you have not exhibited in the past?" The point here is not to define a perfect target behaviour. The important thing is to develop a target behaviour that fits the client. That is realistic. This may require changing the framework or redeveloping the previous approach.

Step 5: Develop concrete action steps

How does Martina M. succeed in anchoring a "think tank appointment" in her calendar in the long term and in such a way that it does not fall victim to other topics? The following coaching process reads like this:

"What would be a first step in creating a sustainable appointment?"

"I need free space in my calendar - so far, it only says 'block' on my calendar."

"How often do you actually create that free space?"

"So far, I've put down four half-days per month. My goal is one day a week. The only problem is - as I said - not even the half-days are happening."

"What would be a first step to help you meet the deadline?"

"I might have to give it a different name. Instead of Block, it could be called Future."

"What else would be helpful?" I want to know.

"I'll book myself another room. Get out of my office. I need to be somewhere else."

"What else do you need for sustainability - what day would be realistic?"

"Clearly Friday afternoon."

"What time?" "2-6 p.m."

"Good, then your calendar now specifically says every Friday afternoon: 2-6 p.m., plan for the future."

"What else do you need to make it a 'no matter what appointment'?"

Martina M. thinks and brings up some more formal considerations, like calendar colour or reminders already on the days before. "Is this a 'no matter what appointment' now?" I ask her. Martina M.: "At least it's a step forward."

"What else do you need?" Martina M. thinks. "May I make a suggestion to you? What do you think about planning the content of the appointments? Planning refers not only to formal aspects but also to content. Fill the afternoon with life. What possibilities do you have?"

That was the lasting result:

Step by step, the CEO improved her planning skills, increased her self-care (the future appointments became the highlight of the week for her!) and incidentally developed a 'no-matter-what appointment for her company that is now firmly anchored in her daily routine. The first valuable ideas for the Future are already in the implementation phase, where I accompany her with my team.

In reflection, he then named his personal watch-out: "One thing at a time! Don't plan unrealistically. Don't just self-optimize. That's what I have to watch out for."

So far, so good. After a week, his feedback sounded like this:

"It was a tough week - with health problems - which I don't know at all. Then I take even less care of myself. I somehow persevered. It was very draining, but at the same time, I achieved some good things professionally. Consequently, I hardly kept 'me-time rules' - lived too much my classic pattern: fight and will and hardly acted consciously. There is also good to report: I have worked out a new 'delegation field' by reflecting on my daily tasks and going on a staff search next week to find the new position - an assistant to support me in communication. Your queries have helped me."

Why WHY?

This situation shows how difficult it is to implement new Habits when the goal/why is unclear. Why is that? When we prioritize achieving short-term goals instead of the personal "Why," we feel a fleeting good feeling at most - do not develop lasting satisfaction and strength. We continue to strive for "more" and feel no real fulfilment. In contrast, when we set a long-term goal - finding our personal Why - we ask ourselves completely different questions: How will more "me-time" help me feel more fulfilled? How does this relate to my purpose, my Why? Etc. Then, when we reflect, we ask questions like How much of my (daily) choices (in business) are reflected in my personal purpose? What about my calendar? Is it aligned with that?

In executive coaching processes, my experience repeatedly is that the "why" question scares off many clients because it is overwhelming. How do you succeed in taking the fear away from clients?

Creating long-term added value for all stakeholders

The first step is to listen and allow. E.g., that the client starts with a practical, implementation-oriented plan. If he then experiences - as in the case described - that he reaches limits with this approach, that the implementation falters or at least does not work as he would like it to, I open the "why perspective" again. Because of the self-made experience and the associated emotion, the client is now much more willing to engage in the "why question" and recognizes how important it is to think about the process from the big picture.

In the second step, I then reduce the big Why into small Why steps - against the background: problem - solution - benefit. And then I ask: If you have found the solution to your problem - here: Micromanagement - what do you think will be your personal benefit? For your family? For your company? For your employees? Exploring the added value for the individual stakeholders is already easier for most people who bear responsibility. In the end, we put the individual steps together to form a big picture. In this way, the Why becomes tangible and, in the best case, achievable through the coaching process.

The CEO had booked an intensive day, including the LINC Personality Profiler (LPP). Based on the results of the LPP, he worked during the intensive day on methods for more clarity and concrete answers that he can implement directly and sustainably in everyday business life. His subsequent past coaching (reflection questions) shows impressively how effective a coaching process is and how practical and concrete the steps worked out in it are:

Question 1: The key points/your most important insights from the intensive day:

1. I am strengthened in the fact that really the personnel issue is the primary and really only pressing problem. I would like to

I want to be able to show a clear track record of success here at the beginning of my CEO tenure.

2. I will better institutionalize "saying no" from now on, taking into account the "glowing eyes":

3. I structure my own work and that of the company better

        --> I align myself with my role as CEO and know that I can delegate.

4. I will systematically leverage my start as CEO and the realignment that comes with it

Question 2: What do you put into practice directly, and how exactly?

Question 3:What potential hurdles do you see coming up in implementation?

Question 4: What positive feelings accompany you after the intensive day?

Question 5: What suggestions for improvement do you have for the following coaching?

It was just perfect. Shortly after the conversation and when I saw what you, dear Ms Segschneider, had systematically prepared, I thought you should have had more courage to bring in all your knowledge and systematics because I could have learned a lot from it knowledge-wise. But then I realized that the coaching had worked on a completely different, more profound level. Now I still don't know everything you know, but I have become more transparent, calmer, more hopeful and more goal-oriented beyond this level of knowledge. This is a tremendous gift, and I have deep respect for how you can make this happen!

Yes, I never tire of reminding my clients: take your time. Time to reflect on your actions. If you want to improve your leadership skills, you must regularly become aware of your strengths and weaknesses, your values and behaviours, and the way you lead and act. Becoming self-aware of behaviour - reflecting on it - strengthens self-confidence and thus leadership sovereignty.

Non-negotiable

I am convinced that 'reflection time' must be 'non-negotiable' in the calendar. Confucius already wrote:

By three methods, we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest.

The practice is different: I have had countless conversations with corporate executives about the 'reflection-action cycle' over the past twenty years. The most common response at the beginning of the coaching journey: "Oh, no - I don't have time for that. Everyday life eats me up." On further enquiry, it usually turns out that they, for one, thought that any kind of reflection was time-consuming, a luxury - some even believe that if there is a 'Reflection-Time' slot in the calendar, it is seen by others as a waste of time or, at best, negotiable. I think this is a serious misconception. Successful and effective leaders reflect deeply and regularly. Deeply does not mean time-consuming. Quick reflection techniques also lead to success. I develop effective techniques for this in my coaching sessions. Reflection work is Prio 1.

A reflection action journal that is kept sustainably is a treasure of gold. Keeping at it is crucial. Even if it's only two minutes a day. After 30 days, there are already 30 sentences in the reflection action journal - after a year, you have built up a 'reflection action bank'. Which action was successful? Which one is less so?

Have the courage!

Reflection action means - making the reflection cycle a habit: Reflect on your (new) action - Action (= implement the reflection) - Reflect - Action - Reflect etc. Action x reflection equals learning. Just start. Reflect regularly: What makes my actions successful? What could I do differently/better? What is the next small step? Action is all you need to do to try a new behaviour—trying out behaviour that is familiar to you in a new situation or context—trying things in a new way. Experiment. Reflect. Before, during and after the action/inaction itself.

Success has two letters: DO

Before the action, reflect: Where is my opportunity? What exactly am I going to do? How much do I go out of my comfort zone? Doing something that is easy and familiar over and over again doesn't really help to learn. Then experimenting, getting to that edge where I'm not sure if this is going to work or not, I'm not sure what will happen here. That's where you're going to start finding new ways, getting comfortable with new methods and maximising your learning. So keep thinking about where am I going to try something new? And then reflect: How do I make sure I actually follow up on this with some reflection? Do I need to fine-tune? What works? What doesn't? And then afterwards, how did that go? What worked well? What do I want to keep next time? What do I want to work on? Get back into this cycle of action and reflection every day. Try something out. Try something, reflect. Accelerating this cycle increases your learning.

I am happy to accompany you in this process.

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR TRANSPARENT COMMUNICATION

The topic of "dominance knowledge" long belonging in junk has become common knowledge, but it often still looks bleak in reality. In an online study conducted by the School for Communication and Management in Berlin, around 37% of respondents stated that their managers primarily acted as knowledge-collectors or tactical gatekeepers and brakemen. Because of the effect that executives have through communication, this is a thought-provoking result.

Modern leadership methods rely on open communication and the sharing of information and are thus very successful. Transparency lived in this way, creates trust, which in itself is an essential feel-good and productivity factor for employees. It is high time to consider this kind of trustworthiness as a necessary part of corporate capital. Information trust creates stability - another important success factor in the company. In my opinion, trust is the basis for emotional sustainability and long-term economic success.

Passing on or sharing knowledge is a recipe for success that managers should finally discover for themselves. After all, passing on master knowledge increases the chance of making good decisions in the long term. The following experiment should not only make doctors think.

Diagnosis: Domination knowledge

Several doctors were divided into groups of three. Each group was asked to solve two hypothetical medical cases, which were presented in a video. The first video was seen by all groups. The second video came in three different versions - each of the groups got a different one. Afterward, they were asked to make a diagnosis. What the doctors did not know was that the essential information for a correct diagnosis was distributed among the individual videos. So an accurate diagnosis was only possible if the doctors shared the news. As a result, the participants talked almost exclusively about the film, which was available to all. The individual information from the second video, i.e. the ruling knowledge, was kept by everyone for themselves. The result: the diagnosis made had deficits. The study led by James R. Larson of the University of Illinois at Chicago shows, like many other psychological studies, that teamwork is ineffective when participants primarily recapitulate knowledge they already know rather than sharing relevant new information. Regardless of the issue, the group is asked to solve: Whether it's a doctor's diagnosis (see above), a project decision, or a personnel issue, whether it's a manager or a "normal" employee, most people maintain their dominion knowledge.

How do you get rid of domination knowledge?

How can this be improved? Develop a communication codex for your team - in advance!

1. Formulate a shared goal

Team members should pursue a common goal and put personal concerns in the background. This is because the unconditional will to achieve the goal is the highest motivation to reveal dominant knowledge.

2. Trust

Team members should develop a high culture of trust among themselves. People who lack trust and are instead afraid that their personal opinion will be criticized prefer to remain silent and thus keep to themselves the information that is important for a good decision.

3. Allow a culture of dispute

"If two people always have the same opinion, one of them is superfluous," said British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. That's precisely the problem: The more harmonious the team, the fewer controversies. Creativity researchers know: Harmony leads to boredom and mediocre results. A respectful culture of debate, on the other hand, consciously allows for different points of view and opinions and thus increases the diversity and creativity of the discussion.

4. Competition stimulates business

Teams should perceive different positions as enrichment and not as a source of conflict. A change of perspective is always enlightening, broadens the horizon, and thus increases the chance of an excellent result.

5. Composure as a team default

Teams that rely on composure instead of pressure give the individual members the feeling that they can formulate their positions without fear - off the cuff. Here, the leader is called upon to encourage the participants to make unusual statements as well.

The rules of the game are simple - but implementation in German companies is still far too rare.

Dr. Gerhard Niesslein, whom I hold in high esteem and who is now happily retired and was CEO of IVG and a thought leader in the business world at the time, put it, in a nutshell, more than ten years ago in a Christmas letter to his business friends: "Building, nurturing and controlling trust capital - this is probably the key to stability in the economy; just as mutual trust has always created the basis for deeper human and social stability." There is nothing to add to this.

This was one of many headlines about the diesel scandal. Was there a 'Winterkorn system'? How could systematic fraud develop? It is up to the courts to judge this. How does it come about that more and more people in a company become accomplices? And above all: How can one avoid being sucked into the 'complicity maelstrom'? I talk about this with clients in coaching.

An example from my coaching practice

"Again and again, I am confronted with projects that - to put it mildly - require a precise 'weighing up'. To be honest, it's often a question of: is this still compliant or no longer? I ask myself more and more often - especially at the moment, when the pressure on our margins is immense - how I deal with the discrepancy between my own values of integrity and adherence to principle and the actions that are required in contrast to them. That was the coaching assignment. A concern that I encounter again and again in compliance coaching.

Immerse yourself in the situation

Imagine you are having an important conversation in which your counterpart, perhaps a colleague on the board or an important customer, wants to convince you of a business move that does not comply with the rules, i.e. is not compliant. Irritated by the discrepancy between the motives and values that move you as a human being on the one hand and the required courses of action - the expectations of the 'interlocutor' (usually superior) towards you, on the other hand, your inner life is perhaps contradictory, your personal state - i.e. your basic feeling - is in any case highly complex.

You may be in an anxious state, a worried state, because without the required course of action, you will not be able to achieve given margins. After the long, lean period due to Corona, you now urgently need good numbers. Or you may be in an ignorant state, believing that everyone in the industry is bending the rules ("Everyone is doing it - right now!") You may be more doubtful-honest, asking yourself: "What happens if I don't agree? Will I lose my job? How will I pay off the house loan then?". You may also be in a bold state ("I'm not going along with this!"). In the end, however, a synopsis of all the states mentioned is also possible, in which case you are in a "patchwork state". Here, different thoughts cry out for consideration. Depending on how consciously you can now control your state, you can influence the outcome. However, it could also be that you - instead of managing your own state - let yourself be steered by your counterpart and agree to the deal against your conviction.  Conversely, it is therefore undoubtedly advantageous to infect the other person with your basic feeling, to convince him or her of the opposite with your reaction, how you take the deal. Here the question arises: who can control their state better and thus take over the power in the conversation?

The solution

Start by training very conscious state control so that you can use it at any time in a highly complex situation involving contentious compliance actions or have it available as required. For example, a compliance state can be activated that enables you to communicate openly and clearly that you reject deals of this kind. Then the counterpart will also react at least thoughtfully and with restraint. One thing is clear: Your inner attitude - e.g. the awareness of your scale of values - influences your behaviour. Suppose your personal philosophy is characterised by integrity. You convincingly convey the pride and added value for the company that a culture of trust brings because you have trained it. In that case, the arguments are on your side.

To do this, it is essential to know the chain of effects that underlies a state: First, a particular event generates a thought in the subconscious. Then you give this thought a meaning. From this, an emotion develops, which in turn causes a certain behaviour. This results in the individual, personal state. This depends above all on the meaning you give to the situation and the emotions associated with it. As you can see, this is an active action: YOU give things / the situation their meaning and thus influence your own inner attitude through your thoughts. If, for example, you are very clear about how profitable a compliant attitude is for the company in the long term, then it will be easier for you to confidently fend off the 'attack' of your counterpart. (from: Balanceakt Compliance, Dr Kathrin Niewiarra & Dorette Segschneider, fazbuch-Verlag)

"I clearly have my big picture. My purpose, my vision - please don't give me that. I am a medium-sized entrepreneur with a vision at heart. I want to inspire people and take my employees with me. Unfortunately, I get stuck on the 'would like' part. Everyday life eats me up. I am tired and often simply in a bad mood. I'm looking for little help on how to get out of the loop in all the mundane everyday life."

It was clear to my coachee: his enthusiasm also determines the energy level of his employees. As a leader, he is a role model for his staff. But he is also a human being: how does he get into flow when enthusiasm is difficult for him?

My philosophy is: "Only those who are enthusiastic about themselves will inspire others!" Cheerfulness and empathy transfer just as enthusiasm and charisma do. One reason is the mirror neurons in our brain: they ensure that one feels stimulated to the same reaction simply by passively observing another person's emotion or action. So if he, as an entrepreneur, wants to lead his employees or board colleagues to enthusiasm and motivation, he should above all be enthusiastic about his project or his task. The role model function of the manager is one of the central success factors in leadership. Sounds like an old hat. It is an old hat, but it often lies unnoticed in the corner.

A question of attitude

There are obstacles on the way to a positive leadership style - admittedly: Germans are suspicious of enthusiasm. I like to quote a saying by Eckart von Hirschhausen to my clients, according to which Germans have a whining lobe instead of a frontal lobe. Anyone who is too cheerful is quickly seen as superficial and attracts envy. My client felt the same way. In his company, which he was running in the third generation, he had many enviers. Family members who envied his role as boss. Veteran employees who did not want to recognise him as a "youngster", etc. On top of that, his daily routine in the Corona pandemic became even faster, harder and more draining.

Excerpt from the coaching results

His first step was to realise: some days may start grey for him, too. In the second step, he wanted to answer the question: how can he succeed in radiating enthusiasm when the alarm clock has rung too early? The three children in the home office are annoying when he has had to fend off attacks of envy once again, and the bad business figures are also spoiling the mood of the employees?

Admittedly: It is not always easy. Nevertheless, it remains a decision that each individual makes for himself every day, in every situation: Do I choose a positive attitude, or do I decide to mope? Do you say to yourself, "I feel good, and I can do this", and smile? Or do you say to yourself, "This is all bugging me", and slump your shoulders?

Smiling works: the facts

The seemingly banal tip - just smile - has been confirmed in many studies: When you smile, you move 60 muscles in your face. Smiling signals joy to the body: the forehead is relaxed, laughter lines form, the cheeks are lifted, the nostrils spread, and the corners of the mouth go up. The brain gets the signal: "I feel good." We feel better.

Smiling works even when you are not conscious of smiling. In an experiment by psychologists Tara Kraft and Sarah Pressman from the University of Kansas, test subjects held a chopstick with their lips while simultaneously solving multitasking tasks on the computer. With the chopstick in their mouths, the participants automatically contorted their facial muscles as if they were smiling. A control group completed the test without chopsticks.

"The result shows that smiling influences our physical condition even when we don't even notice that we are smiling," Kraft found out. The subjects with chopsticks in their mouths had a significantly lower pulse rate during the multitasking tasks than the control group. The subjectively perceived stress was also reduced by the contorting of the facial muscles.

Are you always smiling?

My client was not the type who wanted to walk around his company grinning like a honey-cake horse all day. That wasn't what he was about. He was more concerned with not being "at the mercy" of his bad mood. In coaching, he develops a general attitude towards everyday situations: How do I react to stress? How do I deal with setbacks? What tone of voice do I adopt? What one small thing can I do differently each day than before? He felt - motivated and productive work is easier with a positive attitude. With his decision for a positive attitude, he also received positive feedback from his employees after a short time.

In the feedback, he wrote me his tip: "I simply smile more often now - when driving, when cycling, when walking. At first, it felt strange, but over time it has become a habit. So not only have I gained positive charisma, but I am also in a better mood myself. THANK YOU!"

My answer: "Dear Mr Weber, how can I support you here?"

Mr Weber: "Thank you for your offer, but I don't think you can support me here. Best regards, Yours, R. Weber."

My answer: "Ok. It might help you if you explicitly address the issue of 'land under', e.g. with the help of the 4-quadrant model you are familiar with. Leading upwards is the magic word. Best regards, Dorette Segschneider."

Mr Weber: "I know, and I have also had conversations, and I don't think it's because of understanding. But I'll try again. :) Best regards, your RW."

Dorette Segschneider: "Conversations are one thing - taking responsibility for what happens - in English, this is called 'accountability - is another. How do you manage to be 'accountable'? Here is a small impulse for questions that support you in this:

Mr Weber: "Thank you for the impulses. Looking at these, I can and should indeed probably become more concrete and prepare the talks accordingly and take responsibility for the results or follow them up. I have not done that so far."

The pattern solution

I observe this pattern again and again - especially in top management. Accountability - Taking responsibility for one's own actions - is written in many leadership guides. In practice, it is rarely applied. I ask my coachees: "Hey, what of the leadership techniques you know do you live? What exactly have you contributed to so that there is a solution to the problem - in this case, 'land under'?" The exciting thing is that most leaders don't even notice when you don't take responsibility for difficult situations.

On the contrary, like my coachee Mr Weber, they are deeply convinced that they do the right thing. His answer: 'I know... I have also had conversations...' clearly shows that Mr Weber does not know what to change. In his world, he already implements everything - it just 'unfortunately' doesn't work. That is everyday life.

Three steps to responsibility

In the following coaching, we analysed together wherein the 'development pipeline' his 'bottle-neck is. The answer was quickly found: In the missing 'Insight'. Mr Weber simply did not know what he could change or was not even aware that he could do something better. In his world, HE already does everything 'right'. He was not aware of his 'mistake'. So the first step was to train self-awareness - to observe his behaviour. For this purpose, he developed a 'mental model' in the coaching, enabling him to generate 'insight' in crisis situations.

Here is the result - his personal 3-step model:

It was great to see how fascinated Mr Weber was when he uncovered his ingrained patterns and started to take responsibility for the situation. Small and sustainable solution steps were the gamechanger.

How it all started

The coaching assignment was: "How do I manage to meet even so-called 'foam whippersnappers' with self-confidence and get my competitive orientation across? In the first step, Monika R. did the LINC Personality Profiler, the online personality tool that creates a very differentiated profile of character traits, motives, and competencies. The individual results give her a completely new and detailed view of her personality and thus become the starting point for authentic, further sustainable development in combination with executive coaching.

One result from the LPP that completely surprised her at first was the high expression of her cooperation characteristics. "I am very competitive on the road. How else could I have made it to the board in a classic man's world? This is where the LPP is not right, in my estimation." We took a closer look at her results. Competitive orientation? Not at all. She had a powerful one in cooperation.

The analysis

The facets that belong to the character pair "cooperation-competition" are in detail:

Competitive people are influential on the right side of the facet pairs. In social relationships, they do not focus on a particularly pronounced harmony or their popularity ratings with the other team members. Instead, they represent their interests and goals first. This does not mean that they fundamentally take advantage of others; they simply do not put their needs behind those of others or rely on others but personally ensure that their interests are taken into account. They prefer a fair competition to what they see as a half-baked compromise.

Monika R. did not find herself in this description at all. On the contrary. She could very well find herself in the cooperative characteristics: People with a pronounced collaborative orientation are usually perceived as very friendly and benevolent towards others. They are helpful, supportive, and willing to compromise, and tend to trust other people and expect good things from them. They have a high degree of helpfulness, are willing to compromise and rather shy of conflict, etc.

Only in the two "pairs" compliance - low compliance/modesty - positive self-presentation did she also show a tendency towards competitive orientation.

Here are her comments from the coaching:

Compliance - Low compliance: I can certainly defend my point of view, but I am also ready to compromise at any time - that is in the balance.

Modesty - Positive self-expression: I don't necessarily have to be the center of attention, but it doesn't bother me either. I can always point to my successes - but showing off is not my thing. An average value fits.

So much for the " average values". For the other pairs of characteristics, the swing was clearly in the direction of cooperation.

Trust is, for me, the basis of cooperation. When I meet people, I first pour out a trust bucket and assume that it is good in people. That suits me!

Outspokenness – here I also find myself. I always communicate without ulterior motives and openly share my opinion with others. That is very important to me!

The high score in altruism is also fine with me. I am very concerned about the well-being of others and also care at all times without being asked. I am also called 'Mother Theresa'.

Empathy - yes, that is me, that is mine. I empathize with other people's feelings myself and make my decisions based on this 'empathy' - sometimes, I participate too much in the fate of my fellow human beings. Anyway, everyone always comes to me and expresses their tears.

The realization

"My character is not competitive at all, but very cooperative. That's why I always act out of my weakness when I meet 'frothers'. I have to be careful not to fall into my cooperation trap!" Monika R. had trained a so-called persona in business. We all have a core personality - our personality profile in terms of character traits, motives, and competencies. However, we naturally cannot live out this personality one hundred percent in every situation and every area of life. Instead, we adapt to our environment to a certain degree to act successfully. If we do this over a more extended period in a particular area - e.g. at our workplace - we form a so-called persona, which lays itself over our core personality like a mask..." writes Dr. Ronald Franke (LINC Institute) about this in his blog. A persona was exactly what Monika R. had developed over the years, with the result that she was constantly stressed and dissatisfied.

In the last few blog articles, I have generally made the "operational" side of the coaching sessions transparent. That is one side of the coin. In the intensive coaching days (between 4-8 hours), I also provide my clients with the theoretical background to many topics. Many of my clients are rational - they love theory and are often much better able to get involved in concrete implementation this way. So here is the "theory" that I gave Karin S. along the way.

One key to her goal of "remaining relaxed despite pressure on margins even in stressful situations" lies in personal "state control".

What is State Control?

State" is the sum of all neurological and emotional processes that occur in a person at any given time. "State-control" is our brain's ability to manage emotions in everyday life and part of every decision we make. Consciously or unconsciously. People who have an excellent ability to control their "state" react more relaxed in crises and make better decisions.

An emotional state is the primary feeling you have in every single moment. In other words, the mood that moves you as a person. On a typical day, we experience countless different moods. Some we experience as positive, others as negative. Our inner mood not only affects our feelings it also determines our behaviour and our ability to act. If you can change your basic feeling, you can deal with stressful situations in a powerful and relaxed way. Two main components make up the basic feeling. The first is the so-called "inner representation", and the second relates to physiological conditions. The internal representation includes what (content) and how (form/process) one imagines something in one's life figuratively and literally. What is important to one's experience is ultimately determined by how one visualises the situation at hand. You can imagine events in such a way that they put you in a positive state or in such a way that they are a burden on your shoulders throughout the day.

And how does State Control work in practice?

In coaching, Karin S. applied this knowledge to a situation in her everyday business life:

She imagined a concrete situation in which she wanted to react in a relaxed way in the future - despite the stress. First, she developed a clear picture in her head - "I am relaxed, calm - act confidently with my employees and enjoy the recognition" - and imagined this situation as large, bright and very close. In the next step, I asked her to anchor this image: "Observe what you feel, what emotions the relaxed image triggers in you. Consciously store the image - for example, a calm lake in the summer sun or a strong mountain peak lying in the sunlight and relaxedly defying the wind. The next time you need a relaxed State, bring that image back up - big, bright, close."

The second main component of the state, the physiological conditions, is about posture, breathing, muscle tension, facial expressions and biochemical processes that can also be actively influenced. For example, suppose you can control your breathing and consciously use relaxation in moments of stress through targeted, regular training. In that case, you can actively and sustainably minimise stress symptoms such as lack of concentration, "feeling annoyed," or even heart palpitations trembling or stomach aches. Posture and "state" are closely linked: For example, if you hold your head up high in depressive or bad-tempered phases and put your shoulders back instead of letting them droop despondently, you send positive signals to your psyche. Those who smile - even if only artificially - awaken feelings of happiness, regardless of whether we really have a reason to be happy. The French psychologist Robert Soussignan, among others, found this out in a study in 2002.

Influencing one's own attitude at all times is the goal of State Control, a technique I use very successfully in my coaching sessions.

Chain of effects - how it works

To do this, it is essential to know the chain of effects that underlies a state: First, a particular event generates a thought in the subconscious. Then you give this thought a meaning. This leads to an emotion, which in turn leads to a specific behaviour. This results in the individual personal state. This depends above all on the meaning one gives to things, for example, on the basis of personal experience and on the emotions associated with them. 

As you can see, it is an active action: YOU give things their meaning and thus influence your own inner attitude through your thoughts.

Train conscious state control so that you can use it at any time during a telephone call or meeting or have it available as needed. For example, Karin S. learned to activate her relaxation state, which enabled her to communicate confidently and calmly even under pressure. In her feedback, she wrote, among other things: "I have to admit - State Control works, but it takes practice! I underestimated that. It's only since I've been regularly practising my basic feeling that it actually works in difficult situations. Very helpful. The exciting thing is that my counterpart now reacts much more calmly.

Without implementation and perseverance, there will be no results. But how do you keep at it? How does the coachee manage to keep the focus high and ensure that they keep at it? How does he manage to observe his experiences, thoughts, ideas, progress, milestones, and goals to make learnings transparent and establish new ways? After all, it is in everyday life that the coaching results have to be implemented and tested.

I, therefore, accompany my clients very closely during the cooperation. As science has discovered in the meantime, the brain does not learn by repetition alone, but above all by DOING. This is precisely the secret of coaching: it is not just about learning and repeating. On the one hand, the purpose of coaching is to acquire new knowledge (e.g. about leadership), but it is crucial to acquire new skills to solve problems and achieve goals that help the coachee move forward.

According to Lee Iacocca's motto: "Learn all you want, but then, for heaven's sake, don't stand around, do something with the knowledge. Apply it, do something with it!"

That's what it's all about for the coachee: getting into action, putting it into practice every day - applying it, feeling whether the strategies worked out work in everyday life - always! Sustainable. The question of whether we succeed in integrating new skills into our lives in a sustainable way depends above all on whether and how regularly we apply what we have learned and on the intensity with which our brain stores the change—the more intensive - the more successful.

Just as we remember our first car ride alone or the day 9/11 happened - that's how our brain works. If a new piece of information has a high intensity when it enters the brain, it is immediately networked and anchored and needs no repetition at all. High intensity of entry is given, among other things, when the "right" feelings are involved, the whole thing makes sense, and an experience is associated with it.

In practice, this means: In the best case, the coachee associates a "right" feeling with a behaviour change - considers the whole thing to make sense and associates a (preferably good) experience with it. In an implementation, this looks like this, for example:

A case study from my coaching practice

After cooperation marked by personal injuries, Herbert S. - director of a medium-sized IT company - asked his managing director for a fresh start. The goal: a feedback culture of responsiveness. The focus: regular responsiveness to issues that had repeatedly led to injuries on both sides in the previous years. The result: To achieve this regularity, Herbert S. asked for a 5-minute reflection before EACH Jour fixe (which takes place every fortnight) as a result of his executive coaching session.

The back story

The CEO highly appreciated Herbert S. because of his long experience, high loyalty and analytical skills. Therefore, the CEO had entrusted him with a new project - where the two had to work closely together. Herbert S. felt honoured on the one hand - on the other hand; he was afraid of working together. The leadership style of his boss was getting to him. He was criticised again and again - often with very hurtful words. So he came to me for coaching. Through the LINC Personality Profile Check, he found out that he is basically a profoundly relaxed person. His high level of relaxation used to drive his boss up the wall. No wonder, if you know the effect of relaxation - as it is aptly described in the LINC Personality Profiler: "Relaxed people tend to put off annoying, unpleasant or difficult activities as long as possible. They often work on several tasks at the same time." This is precisely where Herbert S. found himself. He was always putting off decisions - often for too long - until they had a noticeable negative impact on the operative business. He became aware of this in the coaching process.

The solution

In the regular check-ins on the topic of responsiveness before the jour fixe - from now on, both took it upon themselves - to directly address things that were bubbling in the background and to make their backstage transparent in the process. Herbert S. saw significant meaning for himself in this approach. He had suffered from a bad relationship with his boss for too long. He, in turn, let himself in for the 'adventure', as he initially called it. Herbert S. left the coaching with a 'excellent' feeling and was looking forward to the experience of improved cooperation. The resulting long-term coaching success was possible above all because Herbert S. had committed himself and regularly implemented the options for action that we had agreed upon in the coaching.

Michael B., managing director of a medium-sized company, concluded after taking the LINC Personality Profiler. One result with a high level of insight was his critical orientation, which is described in the LINC Personality Profiler as follows: "You have no problem questioning the status quo, and you have a strong tendency to look critically at existing norms and value systems. You also do not spare hierarchies and leaders, whether professional or political, in your criticism. If a rule does not seem reasonable to you, you may well deliberately disregard it." His spontaneous answer was: "I'll drive through a red light at ease if I don't consider it sensible - I've ever tangled with a policeman there. And I can sell the luggage compartment as a first-class even if you don't 'do' that. If it makes sense to me, for example, because it avoids the conflict of having to discuss with people whether it's comfortable there or not - then I do it just to avoid having to discuss it."

"Are you aware that you are acting in this way? Do you think about it beforehand?" I ask.

"In the past, I just wanted to solve problems - afterwards, half the people were angry. In the meantime, I more often register it beforehand. But I still like to live by my principles and try to avoid conflicts. They make me uncomfortable."

"Why?" I want to know from Michael B..

"Basically, I am a very harmony-seeking and empathetic person, which is also reflected in my LPP results. Since I have become more and more aware that I cause damage with such actions, I try to stop myself beforehand. But I don't always succeed."

"What could be the first helpful step?" - I start, moving him towards a solution.

"I could make myself aware of it regularly."

"What else?"

"Maybe asking my GF colleague, with whom I am currently doing many projects together, for feedback?"

"What exactly might that look like?" I want to know to develop a concrete implementation.

"Ask him to challenge me."

"Describe such a situation in reality - what could this challenging look like in everyday interaction?"

"It's very simple - he 'may' call me on my enthusiasm art when it catches his eye and challenge me at any time! For example, with a sentence like: 'Did, I just book another ticket for the baggage compartment? Can you tell me why?'"

As a basic rule, he agreed with his feedback giver that he would only give him this specific feedback in private.

What was most helpful for Michael B. was the confirmation and, at the same time, rediscovery of his empathy. Over the many years in management, he had repeatedly noticed that he was "perceived differently = less empathetically" in the office than at home or among friends. But he had never really become aware of it, let alone researched the cause. In the end, however, it was this feeling of "incongruence" that led him to me. His LPP profile results clearly stated: "You take a great interest in the fate of your fellow human beings. You feel the feelings and fate of other people yourself and are guided in your actions by this empathy. You clearly tend to value human factors more highly than financial or factual aspects." It was precisely this empathy that he had almost completely discarded in his professional life. Instead, he had built up armour and developed a new behavioural pattern. In psychology, this is called - building a persona.

Moreover, when he became aware in coaching how much he was stepping on the toes of others with his creatively lived criticism orientation, the bad feeling prevailed. The process of raising awareness via the LINC Personality Profiler was thus the key to the solution! As in every one of my executive coaching processes, Michael B. developed his action plan with me, which he has been implementing sustainably ever since.